Thousands suffer from depression and anxiety and we are starting to have conversations. But we rarely talk about how debilitating the symptoms it can be. It’s time for a real talk about how I manage life and motherhood with depression and anxiety.
Did you know I suffer from depression and anxiety? I’m guessing not – because I don’t openly talk about it. I don’t know if I’m ashamed or if it’s easier for me to pretend it doesn’t exist by keeping everyone in the dark. But what I do know is that I deal with it on a daily basis.
Managing day to day life
When I’m in a “funk” it’s hard for me to just get out of bed let alone do household chores.
My husband’s favorite story to tell is the time when we first started dating and he went into my basement… I literally had a mountain of dirty clothes sitting in front of my washer and dryer. I probably hadn’t done ALL the laundry in months.
I can look back on it now and see that I was drowning in my depression and life was just overwhelming me. I know I should have done the laundry, but I’d go down to do it and my anxiety would kick in to the point that I had to get out of there.
I was a single mom at the time and my daughter never went without or wore dirty clothes – I’d just go buy new ones instead of facing the laundry monster in my basement.
As I’ve gotten older I’ve learned how to push through and get stuff done, but I can’t say that there are times when there are dishes in the sink and mounds of dirty clothes in and out of hampers.
I’m guilty of making plans and not following through
This is where I fail. I love making plans, but when the day comes I don’t know if I’ll be able to make it out the door. I don’t go in planning on not going, but unfortunately it happens more often than not. And I hate it.
The why could be a thousand reasons. Not liking the way I look, fear of not knowing where I’m going or anxiety of meeting new people.
These social anxieties are not something I can control. I try my hardest to just pick up the courage to get in the car, but there are times I just can’t.
Hiding behind social media
I have a love/hate relationship with social media. Living behind a computer screen allows me to be the me that I want to be in person. Chatty, witty and fun.
But it also feeds my insecurities which gives life to my anxiety and fuels my depression. It’s a vicious cycle. That won’t stop until I learn how to stop comparing myself to others.
As a blogger that hopes to turn this into a business I can’t turn my back on social media. I have to learn how to deal with it. Which is harder said than done.
Motherhood with depression and anxiety
I have never been the parent I wanted to be. I yell too much, I get irritated easily and I probably should limit the screen time more than I do. But I’m not a bad parent. My struggles do make it harder than normal though.
I discovered there’s value in having “me time” and I’ve been given the opportunity to have some much needed momcations. I feel like it’s a reset button for me and give me the chance to be a better mom when I return.
How being a military wife has helped (and hurt)
Picking up every few years and leaving behind what I’ve grown to know has been a blessing and challenge.
I don’t make friends easily. Totally my own fault, because I don’t put myself out there. But with each new duty station I’ve grown a little bit more. I’ve learned to get out of my comfort zone.
But moving away from family and friends has taught me I’m stronger than I think I am. I can do anything I set my mind to.
My anxiety and depression will never go away. I can guarantee that they will make their presence known at the most inconvenient time. The daily power struggle is something I can count on, and I won’t always manage it well. But I will be stronger because of it.